Have you ever heard of your Saturn return? It's an astrological phenomenon that is said to happen around the age of 27, which interestingly enough, is the exact time when I made my big move to New York City. And now, I find myself in the midst of my second Saturn return, which is believed to be a time of major transformation in our lives. They say that between the ages of 54-58, if there are dreams we want to pursue, now is the time to go after them! Whether or not this is influenced by the cosmos, there's one dream that I have recently realized I truly want to pursue - and that is to reconnect with the fearlessness and sense of adventure I had in my twenties. The key word here being: WANT.

And guess what? I actually took a step towards that dream.

I bought a scooter.

I know, it is ridiculous and a total splurge, but let me explain. As an early birthday gift to myself this year, I decided to go bike shopping. Initially, I had my eyes set on a mountain bike. Something practical that I could use for cruising around town. But as I walked into my local bike shop and looked at the price tags on the mountain bikes, I didn't feel that spark of excitement I was hoping for. So, on a whim, I decided to check out the scooters instead. And let me tell you, that was a whole different experience. I felt an inexplicable sense of joy and excitement wash over me as I laid eyes on those sparkling scooters. Without any logical explanation, I knew deep down that a scooter was exactly what I wanted. So, last weekend, I left the moto shop with a brand new Honda Metropolitan. I named her Fredda, which means "cool" in Italian. Which my son promptly told me was a bit ridiculous, but we shared a good laugh about it.

And since then, I haven't stopped smiling.

No, seriously. I was so caught up in the exhilaration of riding around town the other night that when I walked into Blackbird to see my daughter, she had to point out that I had a bug stuck in my teeth! But let me tell you, the thrill and joy of zipping around on Fredda, even though she only goes about 35 miles per hour, is absolutely priceless.

But this story isn't just about buying a scooter. It's about something deeper. I want to talk today about reconnecting with our desires and rediscovering our sense of adventure.

As we grow older, I think two things tend to happen. 1) We either forget about the things we truly want because of our responsibilities, putting others' needs before our own, or our roles in our families and society. Or, 2) if we do know what we want, we become afraid to ask for it.

When did we become such scaredy-cats?

I believe that one of the silver linings of facing breast cancer is that it has allowed me to become more comfortable with trying new things. I've realized that we feel the most alive when we do something that scares us, that pushes us out of our comfort zones. Yes, there's usually a wave of anticipation and fear leading up to it, but the feeling afterward, in my experience, outweighs it. It's an exponential response of joy and fulfillment.

Let me give you an example.

Before my recent meditation session, I didn't sleep well, went through all of the worst-case scenarios in my head, pulled cards from every oracle deck I could find, lit sage and candles all over my house... you get the picture. The anticipation was overwhelming. But once I took that first step and engaged in the meditation, I felt a sense of clarity. The same applies to the things we want. Say you want to go on a solo trip. Taking the first step towards making that want a reality could be as simple as having a conversation with your partner or loved ones about it. And yes, that conversation may come with a lot of anticipation and nervousness, and I find it especially if a woman is not currently in the workforce. Even in the most supportive relationships, asking for something you want can still feel like a big ask!

As women, we are generally good at asking for what we need, but not so much for what we want. We’ve been conditioned to make ourselves small and prioritize the needs of others above our own. We get our needs met but often falter when it comes to asking for what we want, suppressing our desires, and in turn, sacrificing our own happiness in the process. But it doesn't have to be this way.

I want us to start thinking about this. What do you WANT?

It's time to move beyond being strictly reactionary and start actively connecting with our desires. In my own journey, I've realized that by suppressing my wants and supporting others in achieving their dreams — the sports, schools, and careers they wanted. I became resentful and snarky. It was a clear sign that I wasn't honoring my own needs and desires.

Here's a theory I’ve adopted from my good friend Lorca: as we build our resilience, we also build our capacity for joy. Life experiences, even the challenging/scary ones we desire, help us develop resilience. They teach us that we are capable of facing difficult situations and coming out stronger on the other side. And I believe most people are a lot more resilient than they think. I've witnessed it on my retreats! Once they realize it, it's very eye-opening. When we recognize our own resilience, it becomes a powerful catalyst for embracing joy and pursuing the things we truly want.

So, I want to invite you to start connecting with your desires. Ask yourself: What age would you define as your most fearless? What were the activities, hobbies, or experiences that brought you immense joy during that time? It's never too late to reignite those passions and incorporate them into your life once again.

What is it that you truly want?

Take a moment to ponder that question and allow yourself to dream.

Let go of the fear and the excuses. Embrace the sense of adventure and fearlessness that resides within you. Whether it's hopping on a scooter, pursuing a long-held dream, or simply asking for what you want, take the first step. It may be uncomfortable at first, but remember, the anticipation is often the hardest part.

Let's break free from the conditioning that tells us our wants are not as important as others'. Let's prioritize our own happiness and fulfillment. Let's live boldly and unapologetically.